Harper Valley PTA

I want to tell you all the story
'Bout a Harper Valley widowed wife
Who had a teenage daughter
Who attended Harper Valley Junior High
Well, her daughter came home one afternoon
And didn't even stop to play
And she said, "Mom, I got a note here
From the Harper Valley PTA"
Well, the note says, "Mrs. Johnson
You're wearing your dresses way too high
It's reported you've been drinkin'
And a runnin' 'round with men and goin' wild"
"And we don't believe you ought to be
A bringin' up your little girl this way"
And it was signed by the secretary
Harper Valley PTA
Well, it happened that the PTA
Was gonna meet that very afternoon
And boy were sure surprised
When Mrs. Johnson wore her miniskirt into the room
And as she walked up to the blackboard
I can still recall the words she had to say
She said, "I'd like to address this meeting
Of the Harper Valley PTA"
"Well, there's Bobby Taylor sittin' there
And seven times he asked me for a date
And Mrs. Taylor sure seems to use a lotta ice
Whenever he's away"
"And Mr. Baker, can you tell us
Why your secretary had to leave this town?
And shouldn't widow Jones be told
To keep her window shades all pulled completely down?"
"Well, Mr. Harper couldn't be here
'Cause he stayed too long at Kelly's Bar again
And if you'll smell Shirley Thompson's breath
You'll find she's had a little nip of gin"
"And then you have the nerve to tell me
You think that as a mother I not fit
Well, this is just a little Payton Place
And you're all Harper Valley hypocrites"
No, I wouldn't put you on
Because it really did it happened just this way
That day my mama socked it to the Harper Valley PTA
That day my mama socked it to the Harper Valley PTA