God, that是good!
TOBIAS:
Ladies and gentlemen,
May I have your attention, perlease?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well
At that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source,
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course.
Ladies and gentlemen,
You cant imagine the rapture in store
(Indicating the shop)
Just inside of this door!
(Beating his usual drum)
There youll sample
Mrs. Lovetts meat pies,
Savory and sweet pies,
As youll see.
You who eat pies,
Mrs. Lovetts meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!
(TOBIAS and customers sing, overlapping)
1ST MAN:
Over here, boy, how about some ale?
2ND MAN:
Let me have another, laddie!
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they flavorsome?
2ND WOMAN:
They are.
3RD WOMAN:
Isnt this delicious?
TOBIAS (To 2ND MAN):
Right away.
4THMAN:
Could we have some service over here, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
Could we have some service, waiter?
3RD MAN:
Could we have some service?
2ND and 3RD WOMAN:
Yes, they are.
1ST MAN:
God, thats good!
2ND MAN:
What about that pie, boy ?
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they spicy?
2ND WOMAN:
God, thats good!
5TH WOMAN:
How much are you charging?
TOBIAS :
Thruppence.
3RD WOMAN:
Yes, what about the pie, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
I never tasted anything so ...
1ST and 5TH woman:
Thruppence?
5TH MAN:
Thruppence for a meat pie?
1ST and 2ND man:
Wheres the ale I asked you for, boy?
TOBIAS:
|_ Ladies and gentlemen !
MRS. LOVETT (Ringing a bell to attract TOBIAS s attention)
Toby!
(She starts into the garden with a tray of pies)(To a customer)
TOBIAS:
Coming!
Scuse me . . .
MRS. LOVETT (Indicating a beckoning customer):
Ale there!
TOBIAS:
Right, mum!
(He runs inside, picks up a jug of ale, whisks back out into the garden and starts filling tankards)
MRS. LOVETT:
Quick, now!
CUSTOMER (Licking their fingers):
God, thats good!
MRS. LOVETT (A bundle of activity, serving pies, collecting money, giving orders, addressing each of the patrons
individually and with equal insincerity):
Nice to see you, dearie . .
How have you been keeping? .. .
Cor, me bones is weary!
Toby!
(Indicating a customer)
One for the gentleman . . .
Hear the birdies cheeping
Helps to keep it cheery . . .
(Spying the BEGGAR WOMAN)
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
customers:
God, thats good!
(TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away , but she soon
comes back, sniffing)
MRS. LOVETT (To other customers, without breaking rhythm):
Whats your pleasure, dearie? ...
No, we dont cut slices . .
Cor, me eyes is bleary! . . .
(As TOBIAS is about to pour for a plastered customer)
Toby!
None for the gentleman! . . .
I could up me prices
Im a little leery ...
Business
Couldnt be better, though
CUSTOMER:
God, thats good!
MRS. LOVETT:
Knock on wood.
(She does)
TODD (Leaning out of window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer):
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (Moving toward him):
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But its six oclock!
MRS. LOVETT :
So its six oclock.
TODD:
It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five
MRS. LOVETT:
TODD:
And its six oclock !
Ive been waiting all day!
But it should have been here
By now!
And its probably already
Down the block!
Itll be here, itll be here!
Have a beaker of beer
And stop worrying, dear.
Now, now . . .
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT (Looking back, agitated at being pulled in two directions): Gawd.
(To TODD, moving back to the garden)
Will you wait there, TODD:
Coolly, Youll come back
Cos my customers truly When it comes ?
Are getting unruly.
(Circulating again in the garden)
And whats your pleasure, dearie?
(Spilling ale)
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary
(Spotting a would-be freeloader)
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
(TOBIAS catches him, collects the money; MRS. LOVETT
turns to another customer )
Dont you love a garden?
Always makes me teary . .
(Looking back at the freeloader)
Must be one of them foreigners
customers:
God, thats good that is delicious!
(During the followinga huge crate appears high on a crane and moves slowly downstage to the tonsorial parlor. TODD sees it)
MRS. LOVETT:
Whats my secret?
(To a woman)
Frankly, dear forgive my candor
Family secret,
All to do with herbs.
Things like being
Careful with your coriander,
Thats what makes the gravy grander !
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS. LOVETT hastens into the shop and loads the tray again)
More hot!
More pies!
TODD (Out the window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer in the shop):
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But its here!
MRS. LOVETT:
Its where?
TODD:
Coming up the stair!
MRS. LOVETT:
(Holding up the tray)
Ill get rid of this lot
As theyre still pretty hot
And then Ill be there!
TODD:
Its about to be opened
Or dont you care?
No, Ill be there!
I will be there!
But theyll never be sold
If I let em get cold
But we have to prepare!
(During the/allowing, the crate is lowered to the tonsorial parlor)
MRS. LOVETT (Without pausing for breath, smiling to a customer):
Oh, and
Incidentally, dearie,
You know Mrs. Mooney.
Salesve been so dreary
(Spots the BEGGAR WOMAN again)
Toby!
(To the same customer)
Poor thing is penniless.
(Indicating BEGGAR WOMAN, to TOBIAS)
What about that loony?
(To the same customer, as TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away again)
Lookin sort of beery
Oh well, got her comeuppance
(Hawklike, to a rising customer)
And thatll be thruppence and
CUSTOMERS:
(Singing with mouths/till)
MRS. LOVETT:
So she should.
God, thats good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what more thats pies good!
(MRS. LOVETT goes up to the tonsorial parlor, entering as TODD opens the crate, revealing an elaborate barber chair)
TODD and MRS. LOVETT (Swooning with admiration) :
Oooohhhh! Oooohhhh!
(The empty crate swings away on the crane)
TODD:
Is that a chair fit for a king,
A wondrous neat
And most particular chair?
You tell me where
Is there a seat
Can half compare
With this particular thing!
I have a few
Minor adjustments
To make
Theyll take
A moment.
Ill call you . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Its gorgeous!
Its gorgeous!
Its perfect!
Its gorgeous!
You make your few
Minor adjustments.
You take your time,
Ill go see to the customers.
TODD (Looking at the chair, as MRS. LOVETT goes back to the garden):
I have another friend . .
TOBIAS:
(To the customers)
Is that a pie fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable thing?
You see, maam, why
There is no meat
MRS. LOVETT:
Its gorgeous!
Its gorgeous!
Pie can compete Its perfect!
With this delectable Its gorgeous !
Pie.
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
TOBIAS and MRS. LOVETT:
The crust all velvety and wavy,
That glaze, those crimps . . .
And then, the thick, succulent gravy. .
One whiff, one glimpse . . .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
And now to test
This best of barber chairs . .
MRS. LOVETT:
So rich,
So thick
It makes you sick . . .
TOBIAS:
So tender
That you surrender . .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum !
TODD:
Its rime . .
Its rime . .
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To the customers):
Excuse me . .
TODD {From above):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (to TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT {Moving toward him) :
Yes, what, love?
TODD:
Quick, now!
MRS. LOVETT:
Me hearts aflutter !
TODD:
When I pound the floor ,
Its a signal to show
That Im ready to go,
When I pound the floor!
I just want to be sure.
When Im certain that youre
In place
MRS. LOVETT:
When you pound the floor,
Yes, you told me, I know,
Youll be ready to go
When you pound the floor
Will you trust me?
Will you trust me?
Ill be waiting below
For the whistle to blow . .
TODD:
Ill pound three rimes.
(He demonstrates on the frame of the window)
Three rimes.
(He does it again; she nods impatiently)
And then you
(She knocks at the air two times)
Three rimes
(She knocks heavily and wearily on the wall)
If you
(She knocks again, rolling her eyes skyward)
Exactly.
customers:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Gawd!
CUSTOMERS:
More hot!
MRS. LOVETT (Over her shoulder to them):
Right!
CUSTOMERS:
More pies!
TODD (Seeing her attention waver) :
Psst!
CUSTOMERS:
More!
MRS. LOVETT:
Wait!
(She runs into the bakehouse, which we see for the first time. Upstage are the large baking ovens. Downstage is a
butchers-block table, on which stands a bizarre meat-grinding machine. In the wall is the mouth of a chute leading down from
the tonsorial parlor. Upstage is a trap door leading down to an invisible cellar. While music continues under, TODD takes a
stack of books tied together, puts it in the chair, then pounds three times on the floor. MRS. LOVETT responds by knocking
three times on the mouth of the chute. TODD pulls a lever in the arm of the chair. The chair becomes a slide and the books
disappear through a trap. Music. The books reappear from the hole in the bakehouse wall and plop on the floor. The chair
resumes its normal position. MRS. LOVETT knocks three times excitedly on the chute; TODD responds by pounding on the floor
three times)
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS . LOVETT hurries out of the bakehouse)
More hot! More pies!
(TODD resumes tinkering happily with the chair)
More! Hot! Pies!
MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS (To the customers ):
Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin I (she) rolled it!
Eat them slow, cos
Every ones a prize!
Eat them slow, cos
Thats the lot and now weve sold it!
(She hangs up a ''Sold Out'' sign)
Come again tomorrow !
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting something along the street) :
Hold it
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Bless my eyes !
(For she sees the man with cap, from Act I, approaching the barber sign. He looks up and rings TODD s bell three times)
Fresh supplies!
(TODD leans out, sees the man, beckons him up; the man starts up the steps. TODD holds his razor . They both freeze. MRS.
LOVETT takes down the ''Sold Out'' sign and turns back to the customers)
MRS. LOVETT:
How about it, dearie?
Be here in a twinkling!
Just confirms my theory
Toby!
God watches over us.
Didnt have an inkling . . .
Positively eerie . . .
TOBIAS:
Is that a pie
Fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable
Thing?
You see, maam, why
There is no meat pie
CUSTOMER (Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting the BEGGAR WOMAN again):
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
(As TOBIAS leads the BEGGAR WOMAN off again, Mrs. Lovett runs back to the pie-shop)
CUSTOMERS (Starting with their mouths full, gradually swallowing and singing clearly):
God, thats good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what perfect more thats
Pies such flavor
(MRS . LOVETT relaxes in thepie-shop with a mug of ale)
God, thats good!