Exhausted

Honestly I'm exhausted.
Why is my society so toxic.
My sobriety affecting me like I was standing in a mosh pit.
I just think I'm running outta options.
Everyone the opposite.
Hoping they don't see me as a college kid.
Cuz most of them don't even know what knowledge is.
I'm ripping up my scholarships.
I just wanna be an artist now.
And I know they'll prolly hate me, say I'm watered now.
I don't got any trophies.
I'm stuck on the shelf.
Everyday is my battle.
I'm only fighting myself.
If I was ever deployed.
I think I'd write to myself.
They say they want me to fail.
I'm not receiving no help.
I'm not wanted, haunted by every comment.
I promise Im being honest.
They just wanting the honor.
I was never the starter.
Breaking through all my armor.
Maybe I'm just a joke.
I Should've been working harder.
Tell me okay
It won't stop the pain
Life continues this way
And I am drowning so
Call me lonely, call me messed up
Im just tired of this world and I'm tired of myself
Right now I don't know about it .
Tryna think of anyway, that I can go about it.
Lotta thoughts in my mind, now it's overcrowded.
Take a sec, and a breath to control the balance.
Every minute adding up, on the stopwatch.
Not enough time, feel like everybody bossed up.
I cannot shoot, time is up on the shot clock.
Wishing I could swish, but I'm still getting crossed up .
Say you balling out.
Friendship falling out.
Always in some trouble, no one hear when I'm calling out.
Hoping music gonnachange my life.
People leaving me I know that I can make it right.