"Hi my name is Munchausen, how're you?"
"Really? My name is Munchausen too. Where are you from?"
"Ethiopia, but really I'm German. You know they say that Ethiopians are like Germans dipped in chocolate?"
"Yeah, I heard of that. I'm from Bulgaria"
"Yeah, I've been there"
"Really? Where did you stay?"
"I can't remember, I was drunk. I think I was passing through on my way to Olympia to become a riot girl?"
"Really? I almost opened a gallery there once with Ellen von Unwerth"
"Yeah, I remember that. But I organised a radical picnic with Kathleen Hanna"
"Really? I used to be in Bratmobile"
"Really? I was once very briefly in a band called Clock DVA"
"Really? I like listening to Karlheinz Munchausen" [echo]
"Me too. I love Karlheinz Munchausen. I used to, like, share a flat with him?"
"Really? I shagged him once"
"Really? I used to piss on him every day"
"Really? We used to work in Top Shop together and steal money from the tills"
"Really? I got syphilis once in Top Shop"
"Really? I had syphilis Stage 3"
"Really? I envy you"
"Really? I had VPM"
"Me too!"
"Hey I'm gonna have an exhibition here in two weeks"
"Really? Well, I'm gonna have a performance here in three weeks. I'm gonna throw chairs around, then I'm gonna throw myself around, then I'm gonna cut myself twenty-three times"
"Really? I haven't had a shag in, like, twenty-three minutes"
"Really? I haven't had a job in, like, ten years"
"Really? I used to live without electricity for ten years"
"Really? I used to share a squat with Nina Hagen in Camden and she used to make pizza out of dead cats."
"Really? I met David Blaine in Kokon To Zai the other day..."
"Oh yeah? Well we used hang out together in Brazil"
"Oh really? My uncle designed the Palace of Dawn in Brasilia"
"Really? My uncle designed the anal staircase"
"Really? My uncle's cock is, like, twelve inches long"
"Yeah, but my cock is, like, fourteen inches long"
"Really? Mine too"
"But my cock was once amputated after a motorcycling accident"
"Well, I was once involved in a plane crash, but David Hasselhoff saved me from the ashes"
"Really? Well I was cremated once."
"Really? I was born with only one leg"
"Really? You know I think I fancy you."
"Really? So do I."
Munchausen