Sinner Pt. 4

I write this song as this gun is in my hand loaded
Tears rolling down my face, feel so damn hopeless
Wonder would my mom miss me? Would my dad notice?
'Cause this pressure's getting heavy and I can't hold it
No faith in people's loyalty, they damn motives
So I bottle all my issues 'til I drown choking
Lord, I know it's been a while since we've last spoken
I just hope that You forgive me for the path chosen
All this pain inside my heart, I had the drugs numb it
Rather die by my own hands and run from it
In the shadows, now the snakes are moving all around
Gave 'em all my love to find out nothing really comes from it (Comes from it)
I see I'm the villain they painted
I try to understand why they hurtin', they hatin' me
"The good die young," now that's a hell of a statement
Because the sinner does too, how the **** can you play me?
Look, if I look inside the mirror, I'm an empty shell
'Cause my soul been broken if you couldn't tell
All the ones I gave my love left me dyin'
Abandoned, feelin' cold, if you look closely, it's really Hell
Every time I close my eyes, I see my death
A bullet to the head or a rope around my neck
Or maybe it's the way that I've been treated, world is evil
All those traumas cuttin' deep like a knife inside my chest
But you wouldn't understand if I explained it to you
You couldn't see the picture that I painted for you
My blood is in these brush strokes, truly
All these trust issues from the way these people use me
I hear the Devil dancin' in my mind now
My heart's empty and I don't know how to cry now
They'll never know what I feel inside
There's nowhere for me to hide
And I'm just not scared to die now
Still see the pain in my eyes, but sometimes I don't feel alive, yeah
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
Still see the pain in my eyes, but sometimes I don't feel alive, yeah
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry
Yeah, trust get you killed, love get you hurt
Bein' real get you hated, tell me what it's worth
Pain in my heart, blood on my shirt
When it comes to suffering, I've been through the worst
I haven't seen me in the mirror in like five years
Maybe it's just 'cause I'm scared of facin' my fears
And people say they love me, but it's quite clear
I feel more loved from the people in my nightmares
Sick of bein' frowned on, sick of bein' used
Sick of bein' stepped on, sick of tryna prove
Prove I'm good enough, but I just never am to you
I was born with nothing, tell me, how much can I lose?
And if you really wanna know me, I'll tell you the truth
I'm a sinner who turned cold from the pain in his youth
But my childhood trauma is not an excuse
For this alcohol and all of these drugs I abuse
The worst part is I don't even feel numb
The person that I am is who you fear that I've become
Taste the Devil on her lips and the liquor on her tongue
Every time I start to feel okay is when I run
And life isn't reality 'til you're alone
In a dark room askin' why nowhere is home
You called, but I ain't have the heart to pick up the phone
The aunts are cryin', tellin' you that I'm already gone
I'm tired of waitin' and searchin' for the sun
Why should I keep hopin' when it's never gonna come?
It's been midnight my whole life, be morning when it's done
I stopped believin' in myself and put my faith into this gun
And I'll never really know if I could trust again
Might be easier for me to take my life instead
So I cock back this gun and point it to my head
Pull the trigger quick and hope one day I'll get to try again
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
Tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry
Still see the pain in my eyes
But sometimes I don't feel alive, yeah
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
And now the tears don't fall 'cause the sinners don't cry (Sinners don't cry)
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)