Room For Improvement

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（請點亮紅心並關注歌手！！！）

It's half eleven and your doorbell chimes
十一點半叩響您的大門
Yeah, I know I said I'd start at 9
對，我是說我九點開工
But I had to grab a bap on the M25
但就算堵車我也得買個餐包
Don't worry, love
親愛的，請放寬心
Still gonna charge for the time
肯定還是按時收費啦
'Cause I'm the jack of all tradesmen
誰讓我如此多才多藝
And your place is craving renovation
而您又想讓雅舍修葺一新
Straight from the facias
上通橫梁
Down into your basement
下達地底
'Fraid your radiators need replacements
恐怕您得換個散熱器了
Greatest decorator in an eighth mile radius
我可是八線的偉大裝潢師
Don' t check my ratings
只是別查我的差評
Swear they're outrageous
它們真的言過其實
All their outrage is baseless
這些網暴也太無厘頭
I 'm blameless
畢竟我這麼無辜
Only three of my extensions ever caved in
不過讓三戶人家塌房了而已
You got savings?
您還有餘額不？
Ooh, well I hope you do
噢，行吧希望如此
'Cause it's a heck of a job that I'm quoting you
因為我想報銷這個見鬼的工作量
Look, I know that you only want a coat of blue
瞧，我明白您只想要一層藍漆
But to be safe I'd better run my dozer through
可保險起見我最好拿推土機創過來
I could do it in a flash
我能瞬間完工
In a jiffy
可以立刻搞定
In a jot
或者一下解決
But the trouble is, love
親愛的，可問題是
It's coming up one O'Clock
馬上就要一點了
So I'll have a spot of lunch
所以我得去恰個飯
Then a cuppa
再飲個茶先
Then I'm off
做碌鳩啊做
And I'll come back tomorrow
然後我明天再回來
See if anything's in stock
瞅瞅東西到貨沒有
If I've got it in the van, that's grand
如果能在貨廂裡找到，簡直千金難換
If I haven't then I gotta' get the parts from Japan
如果找不到，那隻能等日產的零件
They should be here Jan
到貨應該在一月
Maybe June
還是六月
In year
也許今年一定
Maybe two
...或者後年
But I'll take the down payment now
可是我現在就要拿錢跑路
See you soon
再見了您嘞~
I tell you, I've got five star reviews!
告訴過您，我有著五星的評價！
And by that I mean I have five one star reviews which is basically the same thing.
呃順帶一提雖然總是那套五星分期付款.
Don't think about it.
反正..沒差多少

Satisfaction guaranteed
一切包管您滿意
Cash in hand and no receipts
現金結賬，沒得收據
Your dream home is my debris
夢想之家也是區區遺跡
How's about a cup of tea?
要不先來飲個茶？
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞅著了增值的餘地
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞧見了漲價的空間
Now, are you sure you want the glass translucent?
您確定想要“抹殺”玻璃嗎？
I can see a little room for improvement
這裡還有改進的地方

A one man overhaul
單人大檢修
Sporting overalls
工裝別嫌舊
Though I don't recall
儘管記不住
The load bearing walls
承重牆之處
So I 'spose I ought to bulldoze 'em all
總之我選擇，一下全剷除~
Eh, your home is sort of disposable
呃，貴府好像是一次性房屋？
I do wiring
精通電工
Grouting
懂得匠藝
I put your power shower in
將您的花灑裝好
That pipe ain't leakin'
水管才沒有漏水
It's just a little fountain
只是改成了噴（泉）式
Whatd'ya mean that's not what a power shower is?
您說功率不夠是幾個意思？
The spout’s right here
花灑就在這
Where the plugs are mounted?
還能往哪個插頭上塞？ ？
I'm the handyman with the plan
心靈手巧的我深謀遠慮
To retire via cheating cash from your gran
從您姥姥那騙取養老錢
Do you really need to tile all my ceilings?
“你真的有必要給天花板貼磚嗎？”
That's right
那當然
I'm afraid
只不過
That'll be ten grand
服務可能價值萬金吧
If your wall's too bland I can lend a hand
如果覺得牆不行我也能搭把手
Got a car full of samples to artfully fan
整車的樣品滿足各種挑剔顧客
And most of the lead free cans aren't banned
而且大部分的無鉛罐都能使用
Though some colours are still carcinogens
雖然某些顏料的確是致癌物質
We got:
這裡有：
Eggshell
淡黃
Beige
淺褐
Ecru
本白
Sage
灰綠
Hessian
麻紋棕
And Sesame
芝麻黃
And Peppermint rage
強薄荷
Indigo Dingo
韓式黑泡靛紫
Elephant Plague
病態象鼻蟲綠
Hotdog Embargo
熱狗無肉之橙
And Lemon Rampage
檸檬主宰全場
Baby Blue
清新藍
Navy Blue
海軍藍
Gravy Blue
隨意藍
Maybe Blue
也許藍
Grape and Rhubarbecue
葡紫與大黃
Caribou Cabin Crew
C3牌時風綠
Third Degree Verdigris
三刑銅鏽綠
Turtle Infirmary
鱗甲護理綠
Phlurple
胡來紫
And Curdle and Terminal Burgundy
和凝乳黃和終端紅和勃艮第酒紅
And-
和...
Oh..
喔..
White?
白？
You’d prefer White?
您更喜歡老套白？
Okay …
彳...亍
Whatever...
您開心就好...
White's fine too…
老白乾也不錯啦...
I'm not hurt or anything
才沒有被打擊到
Just a bit Emulsional...
就是有點受“乳”感...

Satisfaction guaranteed
一切包管您滿意
Cash in hand and no receipts
現金結賬，沒得收據
Your dream home is my debris
夢想之家也是區區遺跡
How's about a cup of tea?
要不先來飲個茶？
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞅著了增值的餘地
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞧見了漲價的空間
Yes,the fixtures are nice
這螺栓固定地不錯
But the quote don't include them
可惜它們沒得報銷
I can see a little room for improvement
應該還有改進的地方

They say home is where the heart is
常言道“心之所向即為家”
And that's true enough I guess
我想這句話大概有點道理
' Cause it seems likeyour garage is
畢竟您家的車庫現在看起來
Now in car-diac arrest
確實是能讓人“心”臟驟“停”
I've installed some extra arches
我明明裝了超多的圓拱件
But your bathroom's somewhat less
可這浴缸還是支棱不起來
I'm afraid to say your bath
我承認您的浴缸恐怕只得
Is firmly parked upon your desk
成為“桌上用品”
I'm a stone cold filler
我，抹的填料，莫得天聊
Pro roach killer
小強剋星
I'm a fixture of fitting in
而我怎麼能不去
A kitchen in your villa'
造訪您家廚房呢
But my tea cup could use a little refill
不巧我急需為自己再斟多一杯
And I don't suppose you got a biscuit do ya'?
難道說，貴府還有餅乾存糧？
I'm no clever boffin
我的技術並不精湛
But you know I'm never stoppin'
但我絕不停下步伐
I can stick up a partition quicker
立起這塊隔板
Than you'd slot a noggin
人稱“溫茶髒話兄”
I'll be bodging 'til my spirit's level
一直不斷修飾直到靈魂破損
Lying in a coffin
安穩躺入棺材
'Til then I got a new side gig
屆時我會在另一頭負責
IN PRESSURE WASHING!
高壓降火沖洗！ ！ ！

Satisfaction guaranteed
一切包管您滿意
Cash in hand and no receipts
現金結賬，沒得收據
Your dream home is my debris
夢想之家也是區區遺跡
How's about a cup of tea?
要不先來飲個茶？
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞅著了增值的餘地
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞧見了漲價的空間
You clearly just don' t appreciate
您很明顯欣賞不來
The Brutalist movement.
野獸派的未完工風
I can see a little room for improvement
肯定有能改進的地方
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞅著了增值的餘地
I can see a little room for improvement
我瞧見了漲價的空間
Regulations?
操作規範？
Nah, never use ‘em.
呵，鬼都不用
I can see a little room for improvement
我想我還有不少進步的空間