Let's Eat

起床啦，套上運動褲
I woke up, threw some sweat pants on
喂喂貓咪轉轉超市
Then I fed my cat and I walked to the mini mart
我好想吃個甜甜圈，我該不該吃啊
And I really want a donut, shouldnt get a donut
我還是買個吃吧，天哪減肥怎麼這麼難
Bought a donut , fuck it man its really hard
本來該節食來著，我真的好想像Ryan一樣啊
Supposed to be on a diet, I wanna be like Ryan
他可是靠節食瘦了三十磅啊
He lost thirty pounds on that paleo
可油炸的東西都是我的最愛啊
But fuck it man I love fried shit
我本來打算為了夏天秀身材減肥來著
I was gonna get skinny for the summer
我本來打算天天做仰臥起坐健身來著
I was gonna start doing my crunches
我看了看我的肚腩
But looking down at my stomach
我要是哪天去個海邊曬太陽，就我這身材我都不好意思脫衣服
Imma go to the beach, but Im not taking my shirt off in public
我女朋友那身材，凹凸有致
My girl shaped like a bottle of Coke
我可好，我這身材壓根看不成
Me? Im shaped like a bottle of nope
我啊，就愛點熱狗順道再買點糖就更好了
Id like to order a hot dog, some bon bons
對了，再來個大杯的蘇打水，再來個炸玉米餅帶走
A large soda, and some tacos to go
我以前還真不知道什麼是碳水化合物
I never knew what a carbohydrate was
鬧半天就它就是所有我愛吃的零食
Turns out that its all the snacks I love
我想變成休·傑克曼那樣，就演金剛狼那哥們
I wanna be like Hugh Jackman, you know jacked man
他肌肉好發達
With a really huge package
我好想去演2015版的蝙蝠俠
I wanna be the 2015 Batman
這樣本艾弗萊克就要乖乖走人了
And send Ben Affleck packing
誰讓他對他老婆不好呢
If you aint gonna treat Jennifer Garner right
對老婆不好的人可沒什麼資格當蝙蝠俠
You dont deserve to have that
你還是把演蝙蝠俠這活讓給你哥們馬特達蒙吧
You better pass that to the homie Matt Damon
你看看人家那身材那疙瘩肉不是鬧著玩的
He eat the booty like Pac Man
我是真心喜歡這個小吃店
You know I feel good about this place
還有這的牛排
You know I feel good about this steak
這的奶昔
You know I feel good about this shake
還有這的菜
You know I feel good about these plates
這的可頌餅
You know I feel good about these crepes
這的小糕點
You know I feel good about this cake
我是真的愛吃這些啊
You know I just love how it tastes
我再也不拖了，脂肪再也不能限制我前進的腳步了
Im not gonna wait , Im not tripping about my weight, no
新年快樂！
Happy New Years
每個人在新年的第一天都下定決心要做些什麼
Everybody got a resolution
但到了第二天就把自己的計劃忘光了，就再也提不起來興趣去做了
But the next day, we forget about it never do em
我去了趟健身房辦了個會員卡
I went to the gym and got a membership
在跑步機上運動了五分鐘我就再也不想動彈了
Five minutes on the treadmill and I never lift
這都是四年前的事了，我覺得我應該去把那張會員卡給退了去
That was four years ago I should probably cancel this
可他們說要退會員卡我還要親自去趟健身房，你說他們怎麼這麼麻煩？
But they tell me I gotta do it in person, aint that a bitch?
過了一天，我一想我還是該去健身
But tomorrow though, Imma get fit
於是我就買了個耐克手環又買了個跑步機
Get me a fuel band and a fit-bit
買了雙跑鞋又買了個台式壓力機
Get me some workout shoes, and a bench press
我還帶了瓶檸檬水還有杯黑咖啡
Some mulu lemons and a french press
我這下總算能好好練練瑜伽了
Imma finally focus do some private yoga
舒展一下我的肩膀，我可得把這甜甜圈給藏好了
Exercise my shoulders, Imma hide the donuts
我還得糾正一下我的站姿，我都沒時間坐著了
Realign my posture, no time for sofas
我這下可算是醒酒了
Im finally sober no lime Coronas
但這都是我明天要幹的事
But again , thats tomorrow
今天我可要出去吃頓好的
And today man I gotta go big cause its my last day
今晚可是我減肥前的最後一晚了，我可得好好吃上一頓
Before I lose that weight, I gotta get one last plate and go big
我就著冰鎮飲料吃了一夜
I ate all night, Kool-Aid on ice
睡醒了發現自己整個人都不好了
I woke up and I felt like shit
我一想還是算了吧
And I said, 'you know what, man fuck it
我乾脆下星期一再開始減肥吧
I should probably start on Monday instead'
得了，我就開開心心的吃吧
Motherfucker lets eat
我是真心喜歡這家飯館
You know I feel good about this place
還有這的牛排
You know I feel good about this steak
這的奶昔
You know I feel good about this shake
這的菜
You know I feel good about these plates
還有這的可鬆餅
You know I feel good about these crepes
和小糕點
You know I feel good about this cake
這些都是我的真愛吶
You know I just love how it tastes
我再也不打算等下去了，脂肪你別想擋住我吃貨的腳步，你休想
Im not gonna wait, Im not tripping about my weight, no