Father

Yeah, alone in this room, just me and my conscious
Wondering if the lords really watching cause
If he is then tell me why Ive been going through hell
Lately and I just dont feel like heavens an option
Look, I feel the guilt pouring in
I wonder if he feels my pain
Cause everyday its getting more intense
Moms could barely afford the rent
Had to do some shady shit to survive
But I just hope the lord forgives
Is he forgiving like they say he is
Is there anyway away from this
Is there even anyplace where kids go when they pass away
I heard somebody say there is
But I dont know who to trust no more
And grandma said I really shouldnt cuss no more
But I just tell her 'Imma try' and knowing Imma stay the same
I try to change so many times, I cant adjust no more
Shit, but father when will I see more smiles and frowns
Where do I go when Im buried deep in the ground
Father why is the world never holding me up
I feel like Im always letting you down
I feel like Im always letting you down
I feel like Im always letting you down
I often wonder bout who Im a disappointment to
But no matter how good you do, they still point at you
Sometimes I dont know how I get through the day
Cause even though you see me smile, it dont mean Im okay
I just dont wanna be bothered with questions
Father why these cats always causing problems
Ive been constantly stressing
Shit, I wonder if hes even listening to me
Searching for answers, but aint nobody giving em to me
Plus my girl needs attention, I can feel the tension
My pops is on a drinking binge
And hes on the break of an intervention
But he taught me so much with only his actions
What I learned from him, he would never imagine
If there was something that I would want him to know
Every mistake he made, it was all meant to happen
No time wasted cause I learned from it all
Made me a better man inside, made me learn when I fall
Theres always a reason to get back up on your feet
So if you hear me lord, I hope you could answer this for me
Father when will I see more smiles and frowns
Where do I go when Im buried deep in the ground
Father why is the world never holding me up
I feel like Im always letting you down
I feel like Im always letting you down