Suffocating

I'm tired man…
唉，我最近真是太累了......
Sometimes I just sit in my room and hold my breath
有時我只想坐在房間裡屏住呼吸
And let all the pressure and anxiety build up
讓我的壓力和焦慮漸漸堆積
And just let the time pass by
讓時間在痛苦裡緩緩鏽蝕
At first , I couldn't breathe
最初，我感到難以呼吸
Now I'm suffocating
而現在我因窒息在死亡線徘徊
Maybe the pressure from the fame isn't worth what I 'm chasing
也許名譽帶來的重壓並不值得我的苦苦追尋
I used to say God's playing,
我曾說這是上帝在戲耍我的人生
Now the devil's on my team acting foul and it's all flagrant
現在卻是惡魔在我身邊耍著駭人聽聞的詭計
Tryna push me off the path that I'm steady paving
他想將我推離我用心血鋪砌的道路
Sin is the currency and every day I'm making payments
罪惡流轉，成為我每日償還的血債
I don't wanna live in it but I heard a saying
我不願活在負罪感中，但我聽過一個古諺：
“Good knows evil cause the houses are both adjacent”
“善惡互流轉，二者本相鄰”
I don't know if I should go for these goals
我不確定是否還要為目標追尋
I've seen people gain the world but lose their souls
我看見所謂“人生贏家”選擇出賣自己的靈魂
My anxiety is building as the weight of it grows
我的焦慮在心底潛滋暗長，猙獰膨脹
I succumb myself in privacy inside my home
我在家中獨自向內心的慾望屈從
And I barely answer calls and when I see my phone
我呆望著我的手機卻難以將電話接通
I'm reminded that the real feeling of being alone is having millions
我內心最真切的孤寂總被喚醒
Who love you but can leave you or say that they hate you
當有無數人說著“我愛你”卻不願放手
At the moment they don't **** with a song
或僅僅因為討厭一首歌而衍生出仇恨和咒罵
I used to laugh it off
我曾對此一笑而過
Now I hold my breath and suffocate
但我此時卻忍受著窒息般的折磨
Then I sit and wait just to see if I can kill the hate
我嘗試用等待來消磨仇恨
And as I'm fleeting I see God at the heaven's gates
上帝與天堂大門彷彿就在眼前卻轉瞬即逝
Then come back down to fight another day
我只能回到現實繼續掙扎在生活的泥沼
Then I grab that same phone and smile and wave
我只能握著手機，如機器般微笑著揮手
And pour my empty heart into a song that they won't praise
然後把我空虛的心注入一首得不到認可的歌中
They say patience is the key but they didn't tell me,
他們說“一切交給時間”但從未告知我
While I wait I'll be locked inside a steel cage
我越等待，我越會被這人生的鐵籠監禁
Something's wrong, I feel claustrophobic
到底哪裡出了問題？我感到幽閉恐懼
I'm stuck living in the past and not the moment
我活在了過去的桎梏中而非享受當下
Or the future where my life is only more broken
但我的未來已經註定更加窮困潦倒
Cause those wounds from the past are still open
因為我過去的傷痕仍未癒合，鮮血如注
I take sips of love and every single time it's poison I see
我對愛總是淺嚐輒止，但每次我卻飲入鴆毒
Women who can't see past my employment
我看見那些盲目的女人因為職業而把我剔除在外
Or see me as enjoyment so I can't enjoy it cause the ride's temporary
或者她們只把我當作玩物，這種短暫的愛我無福消受
And they leave once they crash and destroy it
而她們一旦離去就會過河拆橋，毀掉一切
I don't think this life is healthy, why didn't anybody tell me?
我活在病態的生活中，為什麼沒有人來拉我一把？
Everybody want help but nobody wanna help me
所有人都渴望被救贖，卻無人向我給予
I'm an ATM, a therapist and everybody's friendly
我是你們眼中的提款機，治療專家，世界多友好啊
And they hide their real intentions but my mind won't let me
但你們都在隱藏真實的意圖，我的良知卻讓我不要同流合污
If I make a sad song, don't ask me if I'm happy
如果我寫了一首悲傷的歌，別明知故問我開不開心
**** a hook, my pain isn' t catchy
去你的hook吧，我的痛楚不需要抓耳動聽
If you relate, or worse feel badly,
如果你感同身受或者更加痛苦
****ing pity me at least and check inif you at me
至少不要像聖母婊一樣來同情我，一個點擊足矣
That's the only way I'll know who it touches
這是我知道誰與我共情的唯一方法
That's why I stay awake and answer DMs by the hundreds
這就是為何我會徹夜未眠地回复你們無數的消息
So I don't lose myself and fill my stomach with the feeling that
這也是為何我沒有迷失自我，並仍然充斥著雜陳的情感
I'm here just to suffocate for nothing
我在這不因為任何事而白白窒息
If you know real pain then you see it when you look me in my eyes
如果你想見識一下真正的痛苦，只需凝視我的雙眸
I try to hide it but they do not lie
我想將他們隱藏，但情緒不會說謊
I wanna sleep but if I try,
我也願每夜安眠，但每次我嘗試
The demons who creep in my dreams will collide
我就會與夢中潛伏的惡魔發生衝突
So I stay up and I stare at the ceiling
所以我夜夜難眠，呆呆地註視著天花板
And ask myself if I should even share these feelings
內心矛盾，考慮該不該將這負能量播撒
Then I hear a voice in the distance from a ghost-like image
這時我彷佛聽見遠方鬼影的綽綽低語
Saying my pain could be somebody's healing
我的苦楚可能成為某人的良方
So I close my eyes and drift to the place that inspires these lyrics
所以我閉上雙眼，進入激發著我歌詞靈感的心靈煉獄
And as I see flames and I scream,
那裡遍地熾焰，我失聲尖叫
I pray it's a place you'll never have to visit
我希望，你們永遠不要到此造訪